Let’s start this post with something drastic to grab your attention. The total surface area of the Earth is 510 million square kilometers, out of which 149 million square kilometers is land and 361 million square kilometers is water. Now you’d figure that since Discovery and National Geographic show us some pretty rad looking machines that seem to come out of a Transformers movie to explore the earth with, they’ve pretty much got the entire thing covered. As most of you have probably figured out by the tone of the above sentence (unless you’re five years old), that’s not true. Parts of the Earth still remain unexplored. Unexplored in the sense that there is no information present about the contents and features of a particular land. It doesn’t mean there aren’t people on it.
Enter the North Sentinel Island. It’s probably one of the only places on Earth that’s truly ‘unexplored’. I’m pretty sure most of you are thinking of some kind of island in the Pacific Ocean or the Bermuda Triangle at this point, but I’d like to shoot you right back to reality and tell you that this place is in the Andaman Islands. Yes, that’s right, the ones off the Indian coast. Very little is known about these islands since it’s inhabited by arrow-happy guys shooting at anything that comes anywhere near the island. So what do we know about these people? Apart from the fact that they’re pretty angry at the world and don’t want any outside contact, not very much. It’s been predicted that their way of lifestyle is paleolithic (yes that means they’re still on Windows 3.1 with Internet Explorer 3) and that they’re descendants of an African tribe.
No, that’s not a photograph of the Sentinelese shooting arrows, it’s one of an Amazonian tribe shooting arrows at a plane. A group of people once managed to get onto the island and even inland, where they found an abandoned village until they decided to get the hell away from there because it creeped them out no end. No word of their language has ever been recorded (so fat chance we’ll get through to them even if we somehow do manage to make them listen to us). After the Tsunami in 2004, some people tried contacting them, went in helicopters to see whether they had survived the Tsunami or not and guess what? Yes, they had arrows shot at them. It was like they were screaming, “We’re still here bitches!”
Apparently now the Indian Government has decided to leave them the hell alone and it’s illegal to go anywhere near their island. No fishing in their water either, otherwise the Coast Guard will own your ass. Frankly, we’re no one to decide whether or not we can invade their land or not. If they want to be left alone, so be it. It’s not like they’re building some kind of a black hole down there that’s going to swallow the earth.
So let’s think about this. A tribe that has never come into contact with the modern world. Let’s take a look at what they’ve not done so far.
- They’ve never watched an episode of 24, Prison Break of Lost (which I think they’d relate to).
- They don’t know who Lady Gaga is.
- They’ve never heard of MTV or seen a Black Eyed Peas video.
- They’ve never shopped on eBay, visited Walmart or a mall.
- They’ve never experienced traffic.
- They don’t know what the hell an LOLCAT is.
- They haven’t stood in front of an elevator door cursing their head off.
- They’ve never got notifications about which apple or which past life character their friends are.
- They’ve not seen Twilight.
- They haven’t seen a Drew Barrymore film.
… if you ask me, that sounds pretty freaking good.
Alright, now let’s consider this. Why do you think it is that these people don’t want contact with the outside world? I mean, surely there must be some reason behind this. I’m sure earlier tribes have approached them and there have been people who’ve looked just like them who came over for a cup of coffee or a game or cards? I wonder why they’re so intent on having nothing to do with the outside world…
- Old Rivalry: It’s possible that there’s some neighboring tribe that they’ve had a dispute with some shitload of time ago and they’re pretty good at holding a grudge (like most teenagers), and so anyone who approaches their island they feel is from that damn tribe and they decide to raise hell. That sounds credible. I mean think about it, you can probably think of one person who you want to start abusing the second you see their face. I said one person.
- Twilight: I’m sorry, but I think this has to be a reason. One of them probably read one of the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer and committed suicide over the stupidity of it all. The tribe then decided that it’s text-warfare being used by the outside world and they’re going to ban everything that the outside world has to offer. Yes! We can now blame Edward Cullen and Bella Swan for the the Earth not being explored too!
- Jay Leno: They probably saw a Jay Leno show. Better yet, they probably saw Conan O’Brien leaving because of Jay Leno. They decided that a world that can possibly think of doing that must. not. be. ever. contacted. again. Do you think it’s possible if Conan approaches them shouting out jokes they might agree to let him in?
- Reality Shows: I think Survivor had them thinking that everyone’s psychotic on this planet, except them. They decided that anyone who decides to watch a TV show where people basically go to an island with a person with a camera recording their moments as they go about and have some VERY ORIGINAL fights and disputes, deserves to be not spoken to at all. Maybe we’re their Lord Voldemort. That which they do not speak of.
- Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber: Need I say anything?
- Bill Gates: Someone told them that he was the richest guy on the planet and his contribution to the world was to have everyone sit at one place and do lots of work, then randomly lose all that work, then do all that work again, only to lose it all over again and the cycle continues. Some people might think of that as genius, but the Sentinelese knew that this guy was full of shit.
- Rap Music: If that’s music, then the Sentinelese probably thought that there’s no scope for their way of partying on this planet.
- American Idol: … ’nuff said.